I became Chassidish because I was searching for G-d.
How do I try to achieve dveykus?
It depends on my mood and my emotions.
Do I feel happy, sad, depressed, joyful, energetic, lethargic, bitter-sweet,
aflame, ecstatic, tired, burned out, excited?
Each feeling and emotion force me to try a new method:
Sometimes I use a siddur, and sometimes I close my eyes.
Sometimes I saw gently and Sometimes violently.
Sometimes I gesticulate and gesture and Sometimes I stand still like a stone
statue in awe.
Sometimes I daven silently with only my lips moving, and Sometimes with in
silence I scream.
Sometimes I chant tunelessly and Sometimes I sing a niggun in my mind.
Sometimes I daven fast and Sometimes slow.
Then come the dangerous questions:
(When) Do I sacrifice halacha for dveykus?
Do I go back and repeat words, or is that assur?
Do I chase away foreign thoughts or try to uplift them?
Do I meditate or daven?
Do I pray for solely for physical needs or spirtual ones?
Do I skip parts of the service to keep pace with the chazan or do I just
daven at my own pace anyway?
Do I add my own words (even in another language) to the davening or leave it
Do I daven in shul, or stay home and daven without a minyan for better
concentration and a slower pace?
Do I let zman tefillah or krias shema pass or even disregard and forget
about them completely?
What about preparation, tehillim, mikva, learning before davening and
davening before davening?
maybe there is too much I. Maybe my dveykus is a lie.
Is the quest for dveykus just the yetzer hara?
maybe I am chasing a dream.
Maybe I should just give up and daven like everyone else.
Or maybe that is the yetzer hara telling me to give up?
Do you give up? Sometimes I do...
Sometimes I dont give up, and just keep trying.
R' Tal Moshe Zwecker
Director Machon Be'er Mayim Chaim
Phone: 972-2-992-1218 / Cell: 972-54-842-4725
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